Briefly Yours

Entries for the Swellendam Book of Records?
This time round we offer salutations to some remarkable Swellendam residents who have recently achieved great accomplishments. On 1 February 2009, Frank Bacon celebrated an amazing 99-year birthday! A keen and intrepid mountaineer, he has spent many years teaching young mountaineers the art of the craft in the Swiss Alps. In a matter of weeks, Frank Bacon is to be presented with his 50-year membership of the Mountain Club of South Africa award. Elsewhere in this magazine we deal with a fascinating episode in his life, the story of the Mt. Minapin Ice Axe. Still spritely as ever, General Graham Moodie is not far behind having turned 97 years in January. Not forgetting the ladies, attractive Nana Shand is as bright as a button at 92 years. Just back from a holiday in AbuDabi, she is ready to go straight onto her next adventure. As for all our 80 yearold Spring Chickens, they look so good because they eat so good! However, accomplishments are not measured by age alone. How many of us can celebrate becoming a granny three times in one year? This singular achievement befell Swellendam artist, Maggy Lismont during her sojourn in Belgium last year.

Motlanthe collapses after strings cut
PRETORIA. South African President Kgalema Motlanthe has been rushed to a private
workshop after the strings that move his limbs and keep him upright were accidentally cut. An ANC spokesman also confirmed that his jaw mechanism had also been slightly damaged but said this was not a serious problem as it was not Motlanthe’s job to say anything.
Motlanthe had been addressing journalists this morning at a briefing entitled “Trust Me, I Know What I’m Doing, Mostly” and had just begun to defend his credibility as President when the incident took place. Shocked onlookers said that Motlanthe had just rattled his little wooden fists on the lectern and stamped his little wooden clogs on the floor, exclaiming, “I’m a real resident!” when his strings were cut and he slumped to the floor.
However ANC spokeswoman Opiate Maponya said that there was no cause for concern. She said that the cause of the incident was being investigated but that early indications pointed to Deputy President Baleka Mbete, who had been clipping her fingernails while waiting for the President to finish talking. “We believe Comrade Mbete’s grooming regimen may have compromised the strings as they moved across her clippers, at which point Comrade President Motlanthe was redeployed to the floor.” She said that Motlanthe was recovering well but added that the ANC would consider appointing a caretaker puppet to fill in while Motlanthe’s jaw was oiled and new strings were attached.
Dummy or Puppet
However she would neither confirm nor deny speculation that the new puppet would be a larger and more sophisticated ventriloquist’s dummy and not a traditional wooden puppet. “We categorically deny the insinuation that traditional puppets are difficult to control,” she said. “The Comrades of the National Executive Council have proven themselves masters at all the nuances of puppetry. However the struggle is constantly evolving and we must evolve with it. If Comrade Zuma believes that the nation would be best served by a ventriloquist President sitting on his knee, then that is his decision.” Meanwhile, the office of ANC President Jacob Zuma, has confirmed that it has received an official complaint from a group of professional ventriloquists and puppeteers who say that he moves his lips too much when making President Motlanthe perform in public. However, it assured the group that Zuma’s shows would not go on for much longer as he was “planning to ditch the dummies and take over the spotlight as soon as court proceedings allow”. (Another quote from SAs best satirical website http://www.hayibo.com/)